What is there to lose? Something special.

 

There have been a lot of people in my life that I have defined as my best friend at some point.

I have always had that one person who I do everything with.

In elementary school a girl that lived right up the street, and who drove me to school senior year, and then later became my college roommate. Her barbies are boxed up and in the attic with mine.

Another girl came along in middle school, and we were inseparable for almost seven years. We did everything together. After school we always hung out. During the summer we basically lived with each other’s families. We experienced social media–AIM, Myspace, Facebook–and got our first cell phones. When I got my license I drove to her house. It ended abruptly for a reason that I now realize was completely stupid.

Also in middle school, another friend became my most important confidant. We were the leaders of our group during high school. The crazy ones who knew how crazy we were. The two of us were strangely perfect together. She broke my heart. It is a friendship that I will never forget, and that I will probably never fully understand.

These days I have the best friend anyone could ever ask for. We talk constantly about nothing, just because. We run errands together, even if it is just to get gas. We drive around until two a.m. when one of us is upset, and blast rap music that we otherwise wouldn’t listen to. I am forever grateful for this person.

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Somehow we lose people. We lose track of relationships. Relationship and friendships that were once the highlight of our lives.

My risk tonight was the message I sent to my best friend that I practically grew up with. Our friendship dissolved after seven years. She responded in the best possible way, reminding me that time heals.

The point of sending the message was not to rekindle a friendship or to clear my conscience.

I wanted her to know that she was a part of my life. So many memories that I have are attached to my relationship with her. Everyday there is something. Almost all physical evidence of our once close bond has been erased. Only a few pictures remain. Old toys are nostalgic.

I will never understand how a seven-year friendship could practically disappear within a matter of years. Both of us are in college now. I have to admit that, when we were friends, I imagined her being my college roommate, a bridesmaid in my future wedding. Countless hours made for countless memories.

Before tonight, we hadn’t spoken in four years. Will we become friends again? Maybe, but it is not likely. At least I can say neither of us has forgotten about the other.

We enter the lives of those around us, unaware of the impact that we can make.

Do not leave someone else’s life in silence. Trust me, four years of remembering that time goes by faster than you know.

 

 

 

Stagnant

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At this very moment a slight bitterness has taken over me. Please forgive the negative energy. Maybe mine will counteract yours and we can all be happy.

Do you ever feel like you are just here…like frozen while everyone else buzzes around you like a swarm of fucking bees. Loud, irritating. A joyous group of honey-filled saps, guiding from one flower to the next, every step is a step up or forward.

And you. You sit quietly, trying so hard to find what you want from the chaos. To live a life that is full of everything great. Money. Fame. Success. Love. Adoration. But is that really what great is, or what it should be? Selfish to think so.

In less than three months you will be 21, and completely sober. Alcohol is of no interest. No parties, ever. Not one silly night with the girls, because they are all away.

A best friend busy with school and a long-term relationship, two hours away. You’re best friend who has been home with you for two years has decided to leave for a new school next semester.

You have the same job, and though you love it, it is the same job that you had three years ago. A tiny promotion. Some appreciation. Yet you stay. For you have a home in that place, a family in those people.

School is a bust. Each and every time. The first was too far. The second was too safe. The third is just beginning, and it scares you.

All of these words. It is not your intention to say life is not good. Because it is good. Fortunate compared to a lot of others. A place to sleep, food to eat, a car to drive. People always around. Contact with friends is not rare. Life is good. It will get better. It could be better.

Hopes can be treacherous and lead to your demise. Dream carefully. Allow yourself to want and need, but know your limits.

College Student Seeking Answers…For Everything

Another semester, gone. Done. Then comes another one.

Just like high school, I realize that the breaks for Christmas and Summer are not final, and that there is another round of first days ahead. New teachers, new lessons, new classmates.

What about after graduation, though? I’m familiar with the world of retail. That’s about it.

I’ve been thinking lately, which can be good or bad. Depends. There is going to be a final day of classes. Finals that will determine a degree, which will then guide me to a career.

Realization: I’m in my third year of college. About to get an Associate’s. In a few years it will be a Bachelor’s. After that? Life?

When graduation time comes, it will be the end. Sure, I can choose to go for a Master’s(not very likely), but that is my choice.

Choices and I have a bad track record.

Freshman Fall: Went away to school. Two hours away. Missed my job. Moved home.

Freshman Spring-Sophomore Spring: Community College. Worked a lot. Applied to a University. Accepted.

Junior Fall(no pun intended)-Don’t go to classes at my new school. Back at community. Getting an Associate’s.

No, not too bad. You got the short and sweet version. Oh, and major-wise?

Pre-Med Biology turned into Pre-Health Professions turned into Health Information Management which turned into Corporate Communications.

The previous University that I left for Community is not the same University I will be attending in the Spring either. Haha. Sigh.

A whole new plan. That will hopefully give me even more insight into what I want to do.

What do I want to do? Woah. Let’s not even go there. That’s like, a million decisions ahead.

Have you found the answers yet?