What is there to lose? Something special.

 

There have been a lot of people in my life that I have defined as my best friend at some point.

I have always had that one person who I do everything with.

In elementary school a girl that lived right up the street, and who drove me to school senior year, and then later became my college roommate. Her barbies are boxed up and in the attic with mine.

Another girl came along in middle school, and we were inseparable for almost seven years. We did everything together. After school we always hung out. During the summer we basically lived with each other’s families. We experienced social media–AIM, Myspace, Facebook–and got our first cell phones. When I got my license I drove to her house. It ended abruptly for a reason that I now realize was completely stupid.

Also in middle school, another friend became my most important confidant. We were the leaders of our group during high school. The crazy ones who knew how crazy we were. The two of us were strangely perfect together. She broke my heart. It is a friendship that I will never forget, and that I will probably never fully understand.

These days I have the best friend anyone could ever ask for. We talk constantly about nothing, just because. We run errands together, even if it is just to get gas. We drive around until two a.m. when one of us is upset, and blast rap music that we otherwise wouldn’t listen to. I am forever grateful for this person.

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Somehow we lose people. We lose track of relationships. Relationship and friendships that were once the highlight of our lives.

My risk tonight was the message I sent to my best friend that I practically grew up with. Our friendship dissolved after seven years. She responded in the best possible way, reminding me that time heals.

The point of sending the message was not to rekindle a friendship or to clear my conscience.

I wanted her to know that she was a part of my life. So many memories that I have are attached to my relationship with her. Everyday there is something. Almost all physical evidence of our once close bond has been erased. Only a few pictures remain. Old toys are nostalgic.

I will never understand how a seven-year friendship could practically disappear within a matter of years. Both of us are in college now. I have to admit that, when we were friends, I imagined her being my college roommate, a bridesmaid in my future wedding. Countless hours made for countless memories.

Before tonight, we hadn’t spoken in four years. Will we become friends again? Maybe, but it is not likely. At least I can say neither of us has forgotten about the other.

We enter the lives of those around us, unaware of the impact that we can make.

Do not leave someone else’s life in silence. Trust me, four years of remembering that time goes by faster than you know.

 

 

 

To the Future Holder of My Heart,

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A few things about romance annoy me. PDA. Emotion. Commitment. Not only do they annoy me, they frustrate me. Even worse-they scare me.

In my group of friends I was the last to experience everything. The last to express my feelings about a high school crush. The last to go on a first date, and the last to actually be in a relationship. The last to be kissed for the first time.

Yes, I am ill experienced, and after one short failure of a “relationship” I have reentered the world of singletons. My previous endeavor allowed me to see myself from a different perspective. It helped me to realize how wrong the person was for me.

It’s hard to say what I want out of a relationship. Sometimes I hope for a special, romantic gesture. Most of the time I just want companionship, a shoulder to lean on, protection.

I have seen the movies and television shows, heard the songs, read the books, and been exposed to personal testimonies.

To say that love does not matter to me would be a lie. To say that I do not understand it is the honest truth.

(I reserve the right to know what I want…)

I want to be kissed. Hello and goodbye.

I want to be held. Every morning, before the day starts. Every night too.

I want to be pushed. To the limit. To my breaking point. I will not budge unless I am forced.

I want to be understood. I am quiet and will probably remain primarily introverted.

I want to be spoiled. Not necessarily with money and material, but emotionally.

                                    (and to be picky…)

I want confidence. Someone who won’t leave it all up to me, and can take control.

I want protected. Stood up for, and defended.

I want loyalty. I can be yours and you can be mine.

I want honesty. Trusting and trustworthy.

This will continue to grow and evolve with my changing heart and mind. It is important to recognize these so that in the future, I can be happy.

Is it selfish to have specific wants? What is the most important?

The “Taylor Swift” part of my life…

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/taylor-swift-relationships-6-signs-8217-time-walk-214400106.html

So. Yeah. I just have to write about this because it’s too funny.

I absolutely love Yahoo Shine articles.

I came across this  a few moments ago, read through it, and decided it was perfect. Why?

Backstory: This past year I had a very interesting relationship (my first, Feb-July). By interesting I mean when I look back on it I literally bang my head against a wall. 1. He loved Taylor Swift. (1st sign) 2. He loved Shania Twain (2nd sign). 3. He loved Duck Dynasty (3rd and probably worst sign).

As i’m reading this article I completely agree with all of it. Why?

How I can relate: 1. I didn’t like myself by the end of the relationship. I wasn’t treated horribly, but it could’ve been better. Girls, make sure your guy spoils you. 2. I never looked into the future. 3. I always thought about other guys. 4. I was annoyed when I knew I had to see him (this came about in the last month or so). 5. He was pretty trustworthy (but for arguments sake he wasn’t). 6. He never, ever, ever fought fair. He was conceded and immature.

The night after I broke up with him, I went to the Taylor Swift concert. My punishment? At work they began playing Shania songs and we have an entire section of Duck Dynasty crap. The concert was totally worth this karma.